My neighbor down the street is Bob. He has Alzheimer’s Disease and other ailments, and I feel bad for him. For the last 2 months, I go to his house every Monday night to put him to bed. Another neighbor and I pick him up and walk him to bed and tuck him in. It’s been a very humbling experience — one of those experiences that reminds you that life is very short and that people and relationships are — above all else — the really important things in life. But, why do I sometimes forget and get carried away in the unimportant?
Part of the Toyota culture is a culture of Hansei — of reflection. To paraphrase my friend, Jon Miller:
“Han” means to change, turn over, turn upside down. “Sei” is the simplified form of a character meaning to look back upon, review, examine oneself. As a native speaker of Japanese “hansei” strikes me as both an intellectual and emotional exercise. With hansei there is a sense of shame, if that is not too hard of a word. This may come from having been asked to do a lot of hansei as a child, being told “hanse shinasai!” which in English might be “Learn to behave!”
The point is, when you do hansei it is almost never because you are “considering past experience” as if they were happy memories. You are confronting brutal facts about your actions and the impact they had, in hopes that you can learn from this and change your behavior in the future.
At times, I am downright ashamed of the kind of human being I am sometimes. That feeling that comes from considering the brutal facts of my behavior and the impact I have on others humbles me and causes me to be better. I am so grateful that my heart is still soft enough to be honest with myself and to want to change.
This month and next, I’ll be helping Bob go to bed on Wednesday, instead of Monday. Bob reminds me of what is important. If I accomplish much in the world but leave a lot of collateral damage in doing so, then I will have accomplished nothing.
I’m so thankful for the chance to grow, change, and be better.
Confucius said that people come to Wisdom in three ways:
“First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”
Hansei, for me, has often come by reflection and experience.
I’m so thankful for the chance to grow, change, and be better.
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Ron Pereira says
I couldn’t agree with you more Pete. Sometimes it takes humbling experiences to open my narrow mind to what is really important.
What a blessing you are to your friend Bob. My family and I will be in prayer for him and you as you minister to him.
Keep up the great work Pete. What you are doing and teaching your kids is the true essence of continuous improvement. An essence many of us, myself included, need to stay focused on.
Tom Southworth says
Pete,
I understand completely where you’re coming from. My Mom suffered from Alzheimer’s for nearly 8 years and my Dad was her sole care giver. When he was hospitalized my siblings and I took over for him. I was between jobs and riding out a severance so I flew back home to help.
By this point in the progression of her illness Mom was 100% dependent on others for everything in her daily routine. At first I felt very embarrassed having to bathe, feed and dress my own mother – after all I was the child and she was the parent and here she was completely helpless and dependent on me. Then I felt ashamed for having felt embarassed. It was a very humbling experience for me.
At her funeral my brother, Dan, spoke about our Mom having been not just our mother but having been our primary life teacher, and how our combined experiences with and reactions to Mom’s illness and Dad’s subsequent hospitalizations was our big final exam after 40+ years of lessons. I hope, at least in her eyes, that we all passed.
What you are doing for your neighbor, while you and others might think is a simple act of kindness, is a really a life gift from him to you: you are a better person because of it.
Tom
Dany Dumont says
Really great! Inspiring.
I can just say Thank you!